Imperfectly Perfect

A few months ago I found myself struggling with body acceptance , appreciation, kindness – though I preach to all my lady friends self-care & self-love – I too have my own body shaming inner monster.

After recent diet changes, the winter slump & getting back from an all you can eat- all of the things holiday I had a pretty negative inner track playing on some very old insecurities.

In an effort to shock them back into silence, I did something new. For the first time ever (and the 10+ years I’ve been practicing yoga) I walked into a hot yoga studio wearing nothing but tight pants & a sports bra. Never have I stood in front of my own reflection, in a room full of very fit individuals, literally, letting it all hang out.

I felt uncomfortable.

I felt regret.

I felt self-conscious.

I also felt inspired to work through it all.

With all the self-doubt circling around & my perfectionist tendencies on high alert, I dedicated the class to loving kindness and compassion; towards myself and all the other pretzel twisting yogis in the room. Every time I went to criticize myself, or something else for that matter I paid breath with this mantra.

‘I am strong, I am healthy, I am able’

It quickly replaced “you are too big, too ugly, too much. WHY are you front and centre when you could have been hidden in the back!?”

“I am strong. I am healthy. I am able.”

By the end of the 60 minutes, my mind did quiet down. I was relived when the standing series was complete and I could surrender, lying on my back, taking a break from the intensity of my own reflection. I slowly felt appreciation that radiated into kindness, love for myself, an internal lightness. When I tiptoed out of that steamy room, the sweat dripping off my face – I felt like a bad ass bitch – and I can’t wait to do it again.

 

 

Dogs – no one said it’d be easy

Last night we clinked our much-needed beer-filled glasses to celebrate our official 3 week anniversary of life with Rosie AND our first one-on-one puppy training session. (Really, boot camp for dog owners)

Leaving the farm with our pup!

The last three weeks have been filled with ridiculousness, puppy cuddles, constantly smelling like the duck treats we give her, laughter, TEARS, frustration, love, all the poop and so m

any conversations between Pat & I – “should we do this .. Should we do that? I read this article ..” And you know, I really didn’t think being a pup owner would be THAT hard. I knew it would be work of course, but I didn’t think my patience and sanity would be pushed to the brink as often as they have been and I didn’t realize all the learning I would do along the way.

Not only did I not think it would be hard, I thought I had this whole thing in the bag – I mean, I did have a dog before and I trained him. Granted, I was 10 and all we really taught him to do was walk on a leash and take his business into the great outdoors but doesn’t that count for something?

I’m also a home-body (great for dogs), I crave routine (hello, potty schedule on lock down) and I love being outside (so do dogs). What I didn’t really think of was – When I’m being this little miss home-body, I love my home to be clean and quiet and exactly the way I like it to be – Impossible with a pup.

This great routine I mention, is well, MY routine. It revolved around me and all the juicy things I like to do – yoga, cooking, meditation, aligning my third chakra.. Ok that’s a joke, but you get the picture. My routine is now OUR routine, which is more so what makes sense for Rosie.

When I am getting my steps in, I like it to be calm and relaxing and filled with warm sunshine. I swear the first week we brought Rosie home it rained every day while we were outside with her and there is nothing relaxing about walking a dog in-training. Nothing.

Insert laughter here

And Pat, well – I thought he would struggle. He’s a freelancing engineer gone entrepreneur cycling around the city to meet all of the people to discuss future collaboration, connection and community, climbing indoor rocks and being the dungeon master that he is. (Dungeons and Dragons reference, nothing kinky) Oh – and he’s a sleeping beauty.

Trigger warning for mushiness:

Pat & Rosie relaxing post-play

And he has surprised me in so many ways. Pulling more than his fair share of the responsibility, he is teaching me patience and understanding and to love openly. I couldn’t ask for a better person to co-parent our baby – yes, we are still talking about our doggo here.

In 21 days I’ve learned about cultivating more patience, ccompassion and good – enoughness in my life. She doesn’t know it yet, but Miss. Rosie is teaching me how to be a more joyful less controlling flowy person, and for that I am thankful. 

And so it begins …

Before bringing little miss Rosie home, Pat would say “dogs are really good practice for kids.”

I would dramatically roll my eyes and tell him there is no way a dog could compare to a real-life tiny human. Babies need constant care; there would be SO many sleepless nights, they have NO idea what is going on – OH and don’t get me started on all that poop we’d have to take care of.

Insert laughter here.

I try not to say this in front of friends or family who have children or are about to have their own babies because I’m pretty sure they’d straight up slap me in the face, but It turns out – having a puppy is very much like having a baby, minus the pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding etc. etc. One conciliation prize for fur-baby parents – we are very much allowed to lock our pup in a crate and go to the pub around the corner for a pint and thank goodness for that allowance.

 Lessons from our first week

1. Start a stock pile – Evenings at home & alcohol consumption are both on the rise
2. Nap when she naps – Full nights of restful sleep are a thing of the past
3. Keep Kleenex at the ready – Not for her, but for me! Breakdowns: All. The. Time.
4. Watch your fingers – Puppies have dagger teeth and they’re not afraid to use them (unlike babies)
5. Poop – everywhere